Keep Your Friends Close and Your Employees…Kinda Close

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Employees… Kinda Close

I’ve known many business owners who hire their friends. It’s understandable of course. Especially when you’re just starting out and not even sure what kind of true support you need… maybe you just need someone to help you answer emails or return phone calls (clearly I started my business before smartphones/texting), order supplies, help with manual labor or running errands. Maybe you need a part-time salesperson?

And over lunch or drinks or during pilates class you casually mention needing help and if your good friend knows someone could they please pass it along. And in the conversation, they volunteer enthusiastically. “I’ll do it!” You might protest or question the sincerity “really? are you sure?” and they most likely reply “Absolutely! I’d love to help!”

We’ve all done it. In the early early days of my business when I was desperate and things like Craigslist or Google or Facebook didn’t exist I just had to rely on word of mouth. One year my mom helped me, another year a former client was my customer service person. One year I hired a young instructor who was a foreign exchange student I knew from my years living in Japan.

These ‘hires’ were all great, responsible, intelligent and trustworthy people. And I never had a conflict in any way that damaged the relationship. But it’s different when you hire friends or family. And with very few exceptions (and yes there always are exceptions of course) it can be tricky to navigate the world of boss/employee and friend who owns the business/friend who is working for that friend.

As I said, in the beginning, it almost can’t be helped. We desperately need another pair of hands, eyes, car keys and we don’t have a lot of money to spare and we aren’t sure exactly what role we’re hiring for so relying on a friend can seem awfully tempting.

So here are some tips if you are in fact about to recruit a friend for a job, so that you can in fact remain friends once the job is over:

  1. Have a VERY set timeline. It’s tempting to just let it go as long as you can but in the end I’ve found that can quickly veer out of control into emotional car crashes. Stick with something short term and reasonable — between 3–6 months TOPS. You can always renegotiate once you hit the mark if it’s working for all parties involved.

  2. Make sure it’s someone that you can at least be honest with. If you feel in any way intimidated or delicate about saying how you feel or what you want or need you will absolutely run into problems quickly. The key to making sure there are minimal mis-communications is thorough training for the tasks you need done and clear expectations. If there is a problem address the specific item/subject, suggest a solution and move on. Don’t make it personal or emotional.

  3. Pay them. If they try to reject payment saying they just want to help you out, refuse, as tempting as it may be. It has to be a level playing field and not paying them gives them the emotional upper hand even if they don’t use it. You’ll still feel the guilt of having to ask them for things that may not be in their job description or having to criticize their performance.

  4. Once you have a better idea of the actual role you need, create the job description, begin to look online and see what a fair market hourly rate is and let your friend know that this is the job you’re looking to fill. If your situation with your friend is working well for both of you, you can definitely negotiate with them to stay on longer but if you feel at this point that you’d actually prefer to have a real-deal employee then be as honest in a loving way with your friend as possible. Let them know how much they mean to you and that your business is ready for phase 2 and you are ready (in part thanks to them) to step more firmly into the role of boss/leader. You guys were friends first and that is where you’d prefer your loyalty remains. (Or something to that effect). If the communication has been clear since the beginning of the arrangement this should not come as a surprise to your friend.

  5. Thank them with something special. Depending on your budget a mini-spa day could be really nice or a favorite restaurant or a concert. They’ve helped you out at a time when you really needed it.

I realize as I’m reading these tips over that I’ve managed to encapsulate some very complicated, complex dynamics into a neat little 5 point summary. Obviously there are so many variables and not everything goes exactly the way you planned. As a small business owner I’d be tempted to say that in fact NOTHING EVER goes exactly the way you planned. So please take these as guidelines, suggestions, helpful tips but not as the first five of ten business commandments.

Since I’ve been there and done that and moved on and survived, I’m happy to share hoping that your journey may be a bit easier and less bumpy.

Having the loving support of friends during this journey is essential to your mental, emotional health. And when you find loyal friends, definitely keep them close!

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